About 10 minutes ago I received a message that the play I was going to direct in the winter to go up in January was cancelled…..
Life is hard as an artist, not given any opportunity to practice what you were made for because of money or logistics.
Earlier I had an inkling that something was not right because of the lack of communication between the company and myself. So I prayed. I prayed that if the show would bring me farther from God because of the time investment that he would close the door. But, I also prayed that if there was any possibility that it wouldn’t to please give me this show….He answered my prayer alright. It’s still really hard for me. I honestly don’t know what to do now. That’s all I was looking foreword to all semester.
I came across this picture not to much later…
It really is relieving that this life is just a rehearsal and not the show.
I seriously considered burning all of my scripts tonight…
Why? Because the beautiful words end in nothing…and all turn out to be empty. They’re all stories. Stories about life, death, sex, drugs, alcohol, family; every single one of them ends there. Things of this life. Things that satisfy us for a short time, but always fall short. That gaping hole in your heart can’t be filled with any of these things. Even good things cannot completely appease that hungry abyss in your chest. The desire never subsides, you always want more.
I will admit I am being extremely dramatic right now and it is probably stemming from a combination of the late hours and me not fulfilling my purpose here. Our purpose is worship. We need to worship something, Whether it be the internet, a boyfriend, theater. I have not been worshipping God rightly lately. I have not been treating Him as the maker of the heavens and the Holy Creator He is. I have been treating God as a wise, sometimes angry, man in the sky who’s sits on a cloud.
This is why the world is so messed up. We’re all broken and worshipping things we were never meant to. Why do you think you have a burning sense saying, “It’s not supposed to be this way!!”? You have never experienced something perfect. So why do you think life should be?
None of my plays in my collection have real hope. None. That’s why I am so angry, because the secular playwrights use pretty words and the Christians coat everything in a layer of cheese. The bible is not cheesy. The bible is offensive and hard.
To the Christians out there. Dare to write something real. Ask the spirit and write.
Please. I am very tired of reading all this crap!